That night in
the ICU was very long. I opened my eyes to that familiar beep sound of the
vitals monitoring system. That beep scares me. So does the ICU. In flashes I
could remember mom and Abby asking the doctor how my surgery went.
I also remember trying to speak in between, but all I remember saying was, ‘pain,
pain’.
I rang the
call bell on my bed, to be greeted by a sleepy nurse. She looked tired, but
very eager to help. ‘How are you feeling’, she whispered politely. My instant reaction
must have been, ‘it is hurting’, but I did not want to sound like a ninny. ‘Can
you give me a glass of water, I’ve not had anything for over 24 hours now’, I
requested. ‘Sorry mam, only after the doctor sees you tomorrow morning’, she
responded.
She told me
it was 2 am, and the doctor will see me at 8 am. It was a long wait. After she
left, I started feeling my stomach which was hurting as if someone was rubbing
a blade on it. With one arm holding the vital monitoring system clip and the
other wearing the canula, my hand movement was restricted. With the little
movement, I could feel some dressing on my stomach, a tube originating from
somewhere and extending towards the right corner of my bed. On the left, there
was another tube with blood looking fresh in it. It was a drain-pipe
originating from inside me and pumping residual blood out, I was told later.
The pain was
unbearable, but I suddenly realized that I was smiling. I was so happy to have
made it alive. I was so excited to get rid of that malignancy inside. The malignancy,
I carried for four years, along with excessive discomfort, embarrassment and agonizing
pain. All of it is gone, I thought. ‘I will now spend more time with Maulik,
take him for a vacation, sort out my career and make life more worthwhile. Next
year will be rocking’, I was telling myself.
I moved a
bit in excitement, and I felt tearing pain in my belly. But I smiled again, nonchalant
of the distress. I was thinking about all the people who mattered in
life – Maulik, my family, my friends – and everyone who has ever been there to comfort
me. For the next few hours, I was just making random plans – picnics,
vacations, food trips, events – and getting excited. In the morning, the doctor
told me I looked tired. I knew why. I had a hectic night 😊.
