That night in the ICU

That night in the ICU was very long. I opened my eyes to that familiar beep sound of the vitals monitoring system. That beep scares me. So does the ICU. In flashes I could remember mom and Abby asking the doctor how my surgery went. I also remember trying to speak in between, but all I remember saying was, ‘pain, pain’.                                                                                                            

I rang the call bell on my bed, to be greeted by a sleepy nurse. She looked tired, but very eager to help. ‘How are you feeling’, she whispered politely. My instant reaction must have been, ‘it is hurting’, but I did not want to sound like a ninny. ‘Can you give me a glass of water, I’ve not had anything for over 24 hours now’, I requested. ‘Sorry mam, only after the doctor sees you tomorrow morning’, she responded. 

She told me it was 2 am, and the doctor will see me at 8 am. It was a long wait. After she left, I started feeling my stomach which was hurting as if someone was rubbing a blade on it. With one arm holding the vital monitoring system clip and the other wearing the canula, my hand movement was restricted. With the little movement, I could feel some dressing on my stomach, a tube originating from somewhere and extending towards the right corner of my bed. On the left, there was another tube with blood looking fresh in it. It was a drain-pipe originating from inside me and pumping residual blood out, I was told later.

The pain was unbearable, but I suddenly realized that I was smiling. I was so happy to have made it alive. I was so excited to get rid of that malignancy inside. The malignancy, I carried for four years, along with excessive discomfort, embarrassment and agonizing pain. All of it is gone, I thought. ‘I will now spend more time with Maulik, take him for a vacation, sort out my career and make life more worthwhile. Next year will be rocking’, I was telling myself.  

I moved a bit in excitement, and I felt tearing pain in my belly. But I smiled again, nonchalant of the distress. I was thinking about all the people who mattered in life – Maulik, my family, my friends – and everyone who has ever been there to comfort me. For the next few hours, I was just making random plans – picnics, vacations, food trips, events – and getting excited. In the morning, the doctor told me I looked tired. I knew why. I had a hectic night 😊.