The dark days

V's father was breathing from an Oxygen cylinder. That night, his supply was running out. V went to nearby hospitals, but could not find a bed to admit his dad. His father was not looking good, and V was doing everything in his capacity to find oxygen cylinders. With limited means and no family in proximity, he kept struggling till 1am. At last, he called my co-volunteer, Pranjal, who swung into action and convinced a Sardarji to open his store and provide Oxygen cans.

We were all under severe stress, V was in panic. When I asked Sardarji about money, he said, 'take the oxygen cans right now, save the man first'. I quickly booked an Uber, and requested the driver to rush to V's house with the cans. Pranjal was on call with V, trying to calm him down ...his dad's breath was getting heavier. 'Papa ke nails blue ho rahe hain', V said.

V's dad stopped breathing. He was dead. Pranjal alerted the local cops so that someone could be there to take care of the body and be there for young V. He had seen his dad dying infront of him, wanting to breathe...terrible shock for a young boy.

That night, I froze, almost went into shock. The pain that V must have gone through & my guilt for not being able to help him on time comes back every night. Between me, Pranjal & all volunteers who were associated with us, we have many such stories. Stories of pain, misery, helplessness and loss.

It's okay to be strong, it's okay to be weak

We knew it was a pandemic. Yet, we didn't want our lives to be affected. Some took vacations, many could not stop partying and get togethers, many married and some even planned babies (!!!). The govt did nothing to save us, but let's not forget that most of us ignored all warnings. We were in some false belief that it cannot hit us, or may just touch and go like a normal seasonal virus. 'Sab ko hona hai' was the narrative. 'We can't just sit at home'. A dear friend recently told me not to be a paranoid, else I may land up in an asylum.

If only people had shown some restrain, many homes may not have lost their near and dear ones. If only we'd not used our contacts to call 1000 people at our parties/ weddings, or gotten passes to travel through the lockdown, or used our connections to illegally run our businesses. The entitlement didn't save anyone. Nor the eagerness to 'look at the positive side'.

Having said that, I feel for all those who were at work because they had no choice, and got infected. Also, all those who were at home, but still got it...all the frontline workers...who put their lives in danger to save many through diminishing oxygen, medicine supplies and common sense.

In these difficult times, let us also pay attention when you feel someone is in trouble but avoids conversation. STOP saying, 'start again', 'sab theek hoga', 'you have everything', 'don't be depressed'. Make yourself available to listen and neither judge, nor shoot advice. I am here to listen, not judge. I am here to help, not advice. It is okay to appear weak, break down, admit failures. Reach out to your friends. Seek help. Don't give up you lovely people. And please, call me if anything is bothering you.