And just like that, he is 18

A week after Maulik was born, I realised postpartum depression was a reality. 'No one prepared me for this', I remember telling the doctor once. In the middle of those sleepless nights, I would look at him and ask myself, ‘Was this the right decision? Was I even ready for a baby?’. The next morning, I would feel guilty of my thoughts. ‘How can a mom not be excited about her baby? Is it normal? Am I normal?’ These thoughts would constantly trouble me as I was going through the motion – homecoming, rituals, guests, ceremonies – with itching stiches and an exhausted body.

I still remember that stormy night. It was his 40^th day in our world, and we were tired and sleepy after a long day of rituals and chaos. But poor Maulik could not sleep. Every time there would be a roar in the sky, his tiny body would shiver, and he would wake up crying. I stuffed cotton buds in his ears, kept my hands on him, and held him close so that he does not feel scared. Suddenly, one more loud rumbling and he held my finger in his little hand. I didnt realise this tiny little thing had such strong grip. He kept clutching my finger, and my other hand was covering him, trying to keep him comfortable. The touch of his hand, that grip, the faint sound of his breath...suddenly I experienced such intense love oozing in me. My heart churned inside, and for the first time, I felt ecstatic. 'Oh wow, what a beautiful thing have I created', I proudly exclaimed. And from that moment on, I knew that this tiny creature is mine, and I must keep him safe, and give him everything I can.

As he turns 18 today, I wish that he makes his life a beautiful journey, touches amazing milestones and creates loving memories.

M, mom loves you.

 

Status Change: Single Parent

We all want to live a healthy, long life. Hence, the discomfort around death is normal. However, somewhere I always feel that single parents are more worried about their death, with concerns related to their kid's well-being and future if they were to pass away. This surely leads to anxiety about the subject of death.

I feel that for most parents, when a partner dies or separates, the foremost thought is about bringing up the child alone. After I lost my partner 10 years ago on this date to an accident, I struggled with lack of confidence to parent a child alone. Also, the thought of making Maulik realise that our world was just me and him was so earth shattering.

Through the years, as I battled some health challenges, my obvious thought was, ‘can I afford to die’. I mean I want to watch him graduate, get married, and have babies. I want to be around to answer his questions about love, life, relationships, society and if he were to ask me, even boring things like banking, investments, taxes.

I stumbled, for a while, but eventually regained my footing. Part of the solo parenting journey was to learn to dismiss what everyone says, get out of self pity, and friendzone the kid. Along the way, I laid down my guard and learned to ask for help. And when I did that, I realised that the world was a much bigger place. My immediate family, for example, has been a finger distance away, always ready to guide, support and offer love and care. My brother, who has always been a father figure to M, my sis in law who has been M’s bestest buddy. Not to mention my mom who is always there like an umbrella. There are many friends who've been there to make me feel stronger and taller. Can't thank them enough. 

With this realisation that I am not alone, it became okay to believe that I can be hit by a shooting meteor and die any moment. Death will not announce. And while everything around started looking safe, and I was secure in my knowledge that I was doing everything in my power not to die, I realised it was time to get my affairs in order...just in case. Create financial cushion, do well with savings and investments, choose a legal guardian, have all the important documents well sorted, prepare a will, are things that can bring a measure of comfort. I am on top of this list already.

I also realised that once you've established a guardian, it is important to inform him or her of your expectations for your kids, including the hopes you have for them and the values you hold dear. I remember mumbling on the hospital bed once, ‘If I die, don’t send M to a hostel, he has always hated that idea.’ I have also made plans for his wedding and spoken about them. (okay that is silly, I admit).

So my advice to all single parents would be to take the time to document your wishes along with a fool proof will. And hey, did I forget mentioning life insurance policies so that when you die, you make the child rich at least. But on a serious note, what is most important is to keep faith. The universe has a way of leading us to do the right things for our kids. The path of faith may seem steep, but it always leads us to something good and secure.